This place seemed the safest to rant on so here I am....
I thought about you today. I’m really stressed for my final exams and I was about to breakdown so i decided to think of all the people that encourage me and make me happy. Not that I do not think about you at other times, but today was different. I miss you so much. I imagine all the talks we would have had by now. You would have told me how intelligent and gifted I was and how I did not need to worry. I would not have believed you but it would have been nice to hear nonetheless. I wonder what you are doing right now. Sometimes, I want to talk about you with mommy but I’m afraid it will hurt her too much. I miss your presence, I miss your laugh, I miss your anger (yes that too), and most of all, I miss your love. It’s still hard for me to think about your surgery and not be filled with anger at the doctors that could have done a better job. I’m working hard Granny, I’m working hard to be the best possible doctor that I know you would have boasted about to all your friends. I’m way more mature now too, I feel years older than 19. You will be happy to know that Ayo and Tobi and I don’t argue that much anymore. We actually laugh a lot, I sometimes let them touch my cheeks. You remember how I hated it when they did that. I think about the last time I saw you, I remember hugging you and telling you I loved you before you left. I did not get to talk to you all that time you were in the hospital so it’s the last conversation I keep replaying. I hope you’re proud of me. Things get really hard sometimes and I think that if you were here, you would make me feel better but you’re not. It still hurts. I miss you Granny. I love you.
I don’t care what consequence it brings,
I have been a fool for lesser things.
I want you so bad,
I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time.